Sometimes I Wonder...

...about my body. I just can't help it. It's like each part of my body is a machine that fails--it doesn't want to work together to keep me alive. All of this intervention and yet the body finds creative symbolism to make me think that we shouldn't be messing with it. For one thing, the Crohn's disease is a major chronic digestive issue. Nutrient absorption is undoubtedly a need to keep a person alive (that's one indication of my body wanting to fail me by rejecting food). Now that I've had a resection of my intestines done to remedy the situation temporarily, I develop other issues from malnutrition due to the inability to absorb certain essential nutrients.

One such new problem that I am dealing with is major patches of eczema and some psoriasis on the scalp. Some of you may suffer from or know someone who suffers from this chronic skin problem. The shallow part of me is worried about my looks, I'm sorry to say, but the other aspect is the incessant itch that I need to deal with during the day and is also my friend that keeps me up by night. No matter how much you scratch, the patches are insatiable. Here comes the second indication which leads me to think that my body fails as a survivalist--I have developed many food allergies since the surgery (food that I have not been able to pinpoint as of yet) and in return, I believe it sparks some kind of eczema flare up on and around my mouth. The natural means of food intake is now a source of pain (nothing compared to a Crohn's flare up, but still). What the #$%?! is all I have to say.

You may say, well get your diet under control to work around the allergies. You are right and I am certainly working on that, but that is still not to say that it is normal for a body to find so many situations in which to reject food. It seems unnatural to be allergic to things which make us function; it seems abnormal to develop all of these issues related to the digestive tract, which is also essential to human function. It is absolutely necessary to have a working source of food intake.

This is not an indication of me being bitter or depressed (as my doctor was wondering), it is merely my observations turned into abstract pondering. Unfortunately, I do not have another blog to express these types of feelings. Though if I did, I would think that it would be too depressing of a blog to keep up with. This is my strength though--if I feel love, then I feel the need to return the love ten-fold. This is what will keep me going. I feel too responsible to give up the battle, to let people down who love me so much.

I want to share with you a picture of me with  my best friends and my boyfriend that were taken recently in Long Island City and the Brooklyn Bridge Park, respectively. That's me on the far right. :)

Sending Love to All,